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ANTM - 03/05/08 - S10E03 - "Top Model Makeovers"
by Tenna { i will holler you home } (tenel_ka)
at March 19th, 2008 (11:01 pm)

current mood: cold
current song: "black black heart" - david usher

Oh my goodness. Sorry this is late -- this whole week has pretty much sucked major amounts of ass, but enough about me IT'S TIME FOR BITCHES! And that's always amusing.

While there is chatter about who is the strongest competition in the house, Dominic -- whoops, Dominique is yammering about how she is so awesome and high fashion and blah blah and she also tells us in an interview that she's a diva and strong and beautiful and I don't know if she's ever really actually taken a good look at herself.

They find free bags of Apple Bottoms merchandise outside of their apartment and they all squeal and squeak and OMGOMGOMG over it. Marvita tells us she's "hella-juiced" for free stuff. Which, you get everything free on this show. So all of these skanks should be hella-juiced. Stacy-Ann shows us her Apple Bottomed butt in confessional, which is more amusing than it should be (especially since I'm picturing/hearing her stupid stripper music, LOL) and then Allison continues to annoy the shit out of me. SHOCKER!

She's bitching about the other girls in the house and then telling us that she's had SO MUCH MORE EXPERIENCE MODELING than these other girls. She's been to all these countries she listed -- okay, then what is this bullshit she was spouting about "my little town sucks there's nothing to do there blah blah", but you've been to all these other countries? STFU, you should be thankful your stank, toothy ass is even here. Then she acts like a two-year-old after Fatima starts more shit. Whitney and Aimee are trying to figure out exactly what an "Apple Bottom" is and there's chatter about it and then Fatima is saying to Allison that her ass is the perfect Apple Bottom ass. And then there's banter back and forth about being big and blah fucking yadda yadda -- Allison storms out with a, "SAY THAT TO THE ANOREXIC GIRL." She instantly starts measuring herself in the other room. Both of you are fucking drama queens and you should shut up and get off the show because your drama sucks and you're making the recap boring with your dumb shit.

ANYWAYS. Tyra Ticker Robot Voice Reading Shit Mail. It's very early in the morning and the girls hop in their cabmo to go to...!!!! Wal-mart? YEP. WAL-MART. They had to balance out that real fashion show with something else, yes. They meet some Cover Girl people and do one of their stupid makeup challenges they do every season where the bitches have to put on some new Cover Girl makeup and make themselves look halfway decent. The winner gets their picture on the Wal-Mart Cover Girl Display! :O And on the webpage, I think. The Wal-Mart one. Or something. Whatever. They have to use three different products, all of which most likely include the words: "shimmer", "shine", "plump", "fruit", "sparkles", "blast", "liquid" and other crap like that. Just put like four of those words together and you have the newest Cover Girl product. See? You could work there too!

During the challenge, Allison is blabbing about how she "might sound like a horrible person" but she was "doing better than all the other girls, especially Fatima..." Right. This is coming from the fucknut who gave herself makeup tear trails for her senior portrait photoshoot.

Claire wins the challenge! Also, the Cover Girl people told Allison she looked like a trashy, caked-on-makeup, strutting-down-the-street-in-a-miniskirt whore. Or maybe that's what I said. I think they might've just said she put too much on. I can't recall.

There is blabber about how Claire and also Soccer Mom Tranny Dominique are doing this competition for their kids. Oh shitstick, here we go with this crap again. That's good they want to make their lives better for their kids and so on, but seriously, then why don't you just get a good damn job. There's no guarantee you're winning this Top Model shit -- and I'm looking mostly at Dominique when I say this.

Here's more shit with Allison being an annoying whore and taking two dolls (I'm assuming they're the new Top Model dolls they're selling, which, WTF? WHY) and pretending one is basically her and the other is Fatima and she does lots of childish, obnoxious offensive shit (saying the black one likes to take it in the back, etc.) with the dolls and what she's saying and OH MY GOD I HATE HER. GO THE FUCK HOME. CORNY IMMATURE TWIT. I'm not saying Fatima is sweetness and light, but shit! Are you really gonna stoop even lower than that and use dolls to try to get back at her for a stupid comment she didn't think about before saying? HIGH SCHOOL, HELLO. OH THAT'S RIGHT, YOU CRIED MAKEUP TEARS IN HIGH SCHOOL CAUSE IT WAS FAMOUS ON ASIAN RUNWAYS. GO AWAY.

FUCKING READ ALOUD TYRA MAIL. Oh, but this one I can deal with since it's makeover time! In the cabmo! To the salon! Tyra tells the hos that she's not telling them what they're getting. They're just GETTING IT.

MAKEOVERS! Let's get into it!

AIMEE: [ bangs, red hair ] Meh, it looks okay. She still bores me.

ALLISON: [ some weave, light brown ] And she's still effing obnoxious and ugly and annoying. "WAI MY DARK HAIR WENT WITH MY CYNICAL NATURE." Really? Wow, I seriously hate you. Moving on.

AMIS(S): [ long blonde weave ] This doesn't go with her skin and makes it look nasty. Everytime they show her I swear she has a crappy wig on.

ANYA: [ platinum blonde ] She yammers about makeover time being like Christmas and other annoying shit I tune out. Then she gets her -- OH GOD. SHE'S EVEN MORE OFFENSIVE WITH THAT THING ON HER HEAD. Also, for the ever popular party-streamer-suit post-makeover shoot she has the honor of having the MOST UGLY PICTURE EVER. What the hell is she doing?! It's like the ugliest snarl in the history of ever. Did all her pictures look like that? She didn't take JUST ONE that was better than that? NASTY.

CLAIRE: [ shaved on the sides, platinum blonde ] Well, there wasn't one could do with her hair, and at first I hated what they did with it, until I realized it looks pretty good and she doesn't annoy me as much now. I think that side-head-shaved thing just pissed me off every time I saw it.

DOMINIQUE: [ cropped short ] Worst makeover this cycle, by far. Now she just looks like a soccer-mom-tranny trying too hard to be hip.

FATIMA: [ long dark brown weave ] I was so excited they were fixing that nasty orange nest of hair she had. Fatima is in pain while getting said weave and resident lintlicker Allison is sitting there laughing and looking haughty. LOL, I can't wait till later in the show when you're sorry funk-bitch-ass goes home (OOPS SPOILER).

KAtrewrsjenannaZIMA: [ dyed almost black ] Yawn. Why didn't we give the awesome darker hair to someone it would've mattered on?

LAUREN: [ longer hair, dark blonde with some reddish highlights ] The coloring doesn't seem as extravagant as some of these other bitches, but it works for Lauren and I think it looks good. She seems to like it too, even though she's all, "teeehehe hurrr" about admitting it.

MARVITA: [ horse-mullet -- what, I don't know how else to describe it D: ] It's like a fashion-mullet-horse-mane. I want to laugh at it, but she kind of works it and I can't bring myself to laugh cause it looks okay. WTF Tyra, how did you manage this?

STACY-ANN: [ cut short short ] LOL, this is why you don't ask for them not to cut your hair on camera. Cause they will see the footage and that's what they'll do. I like it, I think it suits her face, but she still doesn't really stand out.

WHITNEY: [ blonde long weave ] What is with all the damn blonde hair this season. Ugh. I don't think it looks good with her skin. Her dark hair looked way better. But I still love her.

All this makeover shit is punctuated by Miss Jay (I love how I spell Ms. J, Miss Jay whatever different everytime -- MY BAD) putting on his own weave and posing in crappily made streamer-suit over his clothes. People always bitch about him doing this but every year I pretty much crack up at it. Oh, Miss Jay. <3

Home! Tyra Ticker shit! The next morning the girls take their cabmo to meet Mr. Jay at a dock. They're going to be out on a boat today! :O

PHOTOSHOOT: BUT WAIT FOR IT. Elle MacPherson is on the boat! :O The girls will be wearing pieces from her lingerie line and modeling them on the front of the boat with the Brooklyn Bridge and the city as the backdrop. She seems really nice as she goes around and talks to all the girls and gives them tips and stuff while they're getting ready.

AIMEE: *insert yawn here*

ALLISON (ELIMINATED): LOLOLOLOL MR. JAY WANTS TO HIT YOU. I loved how he was bitching the whole time she was posing like a tool. "IS SHE COLD?" ... "No, she's just posing." She looks like a straight-up dumbass in this picture.

AMIS(S): *shudder* Boring and ugh.

ANYA: :O~~~~~~~ This is me vomiting. She looks like a poor man's Kate Moss (who usually looks crap herself) zombiefied twit with a funny ass. Moving on.

CLAIRE: I like I like. I adore the eyebrow. <3

DOMINIQUE: Is wearing ugly soccer mom high-waisted jeans at panel -- I saw like three people wearing those on Idol the other night. WHY? I don't get it. Are they back in style? They're really fugly. This is why I don't wear anything "in style" -- it's all crap. Oh yeah, the picture. Commercially. Soccer Mom. Tranny. Boring. Also, don't they usually touch these up to high hell? Then why did they not bother doing anything to Dom's thigh here?

FATIMA: Tyra says she models from the waist up. Then she does this funny robot thing. LOL, Fatima, you should feel lucky. Tyra did the robot just for you. This picture is okay, I guess. *shrug*

KATKkfjdkjafisdfasjenZIMA: Ah yes, a slutty picture. You knew there had to be one in here somewhere. I still don't get why everyone thinks she's "OMG SO SEXY~~``" cause I've seen better. Even on this show. And you know that's bad. Cause there's always some rank hos up in here.

LAUREN: I love her awkwardness. That's what totally makes this picture. And the look on her face. She is pretty damn hot, you guys.

MARVITA: This picture is... actually pretty awesome. Go Marvita. And she's in lingerie and still looks like she could kick everyone's ass. D:

STACY-ANN: Picture is pretty good, I like Stacy-Ann's jaw. I'm not sure what else to say about it. Wait, her pose is pretty cute too.

WHITNEY: Like Tyra, I was pissed they put her in like 23423947239 layers of clothing. She's a hot plus-sized model, let her show it off.

Man, we really need to get rid of some of this deadweight. PANEL! Miss Jay is very sparkly and Paulina is hot. The best part of panel is when dumbass Allison goes up and they tell her she looks very soft and pretty with her new hair and she just goes "I KNOW!" and then laughs. Nigel gets kind of :| and tells her a thank you would've been appropriate so the panel waits for it and waits for it and keeps waiting and she never gives the thank you. LOL! DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT, BITCH.

Call out order is as follows: Lauren (yay!), Marvita, Aimee, Claire, Stacy-Ann, Fatima, Anya, Whitney, Zima, Amis. Which leaves Tranny and Dickface in the bottom. Man, I really need to start using these bitches real names. Sorry. Allison GETS KICKED OFF and I am so excited and happy cause she was begging for me to smack her all the time. Fuggo, tear-streaked, know-it-all, trashy cooter-mouth. Anyways, she's crying and bawling and going batshit about how this is EVERYTHING SHE WANTED EVER. Oh shit, just get out.

THE MEAT MEAT MEAT RECAP SHOULD BE UP TONIGHT OR TOMORROW TOO HOPEFULLY. Then I will be caught up. I promise the meat one and the ones after that won't be so damn angry. I've just been feeling like a bitch here lately -- like that's any different from normal. :P