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Tenna { i will holler you home } [userpic]
ANTM - 03/12/08 - S10E04 - "Where's the Beef?"
by Tenna { i will holler you home } (tenel_ka)
at March 21st, 2008 (10:02 pm)
cold

current mood: cold
current song: "forgotten" - spineshank



Cabmo! On the way home from elimination, Dominique is sitting there rambling about about how awesome she is, which, someone needs to reach over and smack her ugly effing mug. She'd be lucky if she got anywhere near the end of this competition. She blabs to us in an interview some BS about how that was the best bottom two ever basically because SHE WAS IN IT. Oh my shit, just get in your minivan, go pick up your children from soccer practice, always forget to use your turn signal and make some Hamburger Helper when you get home. Please.

Finally we've completed the DOMINIQUE IS AWESOME segment of our show (for now) and we're back at the house, where Amis(s) and Fatima are telling Lauren how much the judges love her. I love Lauren too. She's like the Heather for a whole new cycle of bitches. She tells us she needs to work on her confidence and such. I smile cause she's cute and stuff. But it quickly vanishes once Amis(s) starts acting stupid and Fatima starts acting bitchy about it. DOES ANYTHING ELSE GO ON IN THIS APARTMENT? There's some blabber about Amis(s) getting a penned on anchor tattoo on her arm, which Marvita says looks like "a butt crack" -- LOLOLOLOL, it does. Fatima bitches again. Dude, imagine if she was with the real Lisa D'Amato from Cycle 5 and not this cheap-ass ripoff Lisa. I think Fatima's head would've exploded by now.

Tyra Ticker. Shut up, bitches, we can read. Something about getting hosed and turning up heat. PORNO SHOOT? I knew this would come one cycle (LOL PUN INTENDED)! Actually, they end up at a fire station. There are some firemen sliding down the pole and then suddenly Miss Jay. Oh oh! It's time to play the WHICH ONE DOESN'T BELONG GAME, RIGHT? Oh, okay, nevermind. It's time for a runway lesson. The girls go back to where there's a bunch of clothes laying out and they need to quick change into them within 90 seconds -- GO BITCHES! They all manage to do it except Fatima, who does it all except for changing her shoes. Aimee, while changing, blabs to us about how she doesn't like changing in front of people cause she has morals and blah blah. Okay, then what the hell are you doing wanting to get into the modeling industry? :|

Miss Jay is pissed about Fatima's shoes and tells her to change them. Damn, for wanting this SO SO SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO OMG BAD she really isn't trying, is she? Time for the skanks to walk it out. Their audience is a group of fireman who are probably thinking, "What the hell am I doing here?" But they get a good laugh when Dominique basically walks like a hot tranny mess (Christian <3333333) and Miss Jay does an awesome impression of her: stripper strut, ass poke-out, bend over and all. Fatima also walks like a flipping horse and doesn't bother fixing it when Miss Jay tries to correct her. CLEAN OUT YOUR EARS. Lauren does as well as we all expect her too, although, she looks a tiny bit better than the fashion show from Times Square -- and then there's Amis(s). What the hell? Bitch is half skipping. She looks like a dumbass, seriously. And I suddenly want her off the show really, really bad.

So does Miss Jay, methinks. He gets pissed and asks WTF that shit was? She says it "makes her feel good" -- um, yo what? Did Miss Jay tell you to do that shit? NO. Well, if she should be allowed to make herself feel good by skipping down the runway, then Miss Jay should be allowed to feel good by handing her a nice bitchslap across the face.

Bitches ride home. Aimee blabs about going to take a shower. Claire says people have to pee. Okay, Aimee is in one shower. Supposedly there is three bathrooms, so does everyone need to piss in the presence of Aimee? I don't get it. Use another effing bathroom. I don't see how this shit blows up into such a big deal but for the next five minutes we get to witness some stupid-ass bitchfight between Aimee, Whitney, Marvita, Fatima, Dominique, Claire and whoever else. Aimee doesn't want to be naked in front of these skanks but they need to pee and whatever oh god aimee is such a putz whitney starts shit marvita yammer yammer wai wai bleh blah shower water butt naked fatima mad cause she's not in the middle of an argument so she puts herself there and dominique and fatima saying omg whitney is such southern white trash omg -- HEY ALL YOU WANNABE MODEL TRAMPS, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Recapping that whole mess of crap was totally not worth the time. It was so useless and stupid. Although, I was able to back up one point to myself again. Whitney is kind of freakin' awesome.

(P.S. Dear Dominic Dominique -- Whitney? Southern uncultered white trash? Really? How about you look at your ugly man-face, rude bullshit ass in the mirror and let's talk uncultered and major fuggo. <3, me)

Tyra Fucking Ticker. Some crap about keeping your story straight.

CHALLENGE!: They meet Miss Jay in front of a runway somewhere and he is standing with Bryan Bradley of Tuleh -- the label of which they will be walking in a fashion show today. Hair and makeup. Lauren is nervous. One of those creepy Seventeen magazine bitches and Jaslene meet the girls and we learn that the winner of this challenge will get to be in an ad photoshoot with Jaslene for Lot 29. They also learn that they will have to use their OMG QUICK CLOTHES CHANGING skills! Fatima is nervous cause she doesn't work well under pressure -- wow, for someone who says she wants this so... oh wait, I already said that, didn't I? Hm.

They start getting ready backstage. Clothes flying, hos stressing -- you know, the norm for this show. Also, which one of these bitches is the one with the HUGE hole in the side of her bra? Oh wait, it's Amis(s). Shit, you think if you're gonna be changing all the time around people and on tv you'd get better undergarments. Make sure your bra doesn't break during the runway show, now. Miss Jay goes out to introduce the show, which kind of looks like an actual runway show (for once!) and there's a whole audience! :O Wow, they really are stepping it up (just a bit) this cycle!

Stacy-Ann does good opening the show, then Whitney comes out in a bathing suit, which she looks really good in, except for the fact that her boob is sticking out the bottom of the top piece. She said she noticed it and refrained from looking at it, hoping that her not paying attention to it would make other people not notice it either. Honey, it's a boob, sadly people are definitely gonna notice it. Lauren comes out after that and speed walks down the runway, forgetting to pose at the end. Jaslene looks like someone just stabbed her with a skewer full of fatty meat and Miss Jay asks where the hell she's going. You can tell he's a bit bitter.

Zima walks fine. Fatima -- LOL, she buttoned her sweater wrong. For someone who says -- okay, sorry. Dominique, bleh. Marvita does okay, I still hate Anya, Amis(s) does something. I think she walks but I have kind of stopped paying attention to her. Then the bitches get critiqued backstage. They point out Fatima's sweater mishap, which is fixed when they tell her about it. I'm surprised she didn't try to start shit about it, "BUT LOOK AT IT, IT'S FINE." Jaslene says Zima was great and then instantly sticks her claws out and goes for Lauren's throat with a, "DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE HERE? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE A MODEL?" Lauren is kind of like a deer in headlights and replies to both with a, "Yes." Jaslene rips apart her walk and then we see a crying Lauren interview where she's kind of like, "Eff you for saying that, you skinny twit." Amen.

Zima wins the challenge, yay. She gets to pick two friends to go with her and she picks Marvita and Amis(s), which, what? They are an odd bunch of buddies, there. I think maybe Zima was like, "LOL I'LL PICK WHO I THINK IS UGLIEST SO I WILL STAND OUT MORE." Except, sorry, Marvita is more memorable looking than you Zima, cause you don't always look awesome and like you're ready to kill someone. The three of them go shoot with Jaslene and, holy crap, what a bunch of ass clothes. Sorry to anyone who wear them, but they just aren't my cup of tea or coffee or soda or water or style or whatever.

Saleisha! OMG! Cover Girl! Baltimore! No more Tootie-cut! LOL! Lashes extreme awesomeness plump blast supreme! Or whatever. Moving on.

Tyra Shitting Ticker. Chops and packing. Oh yay! Meat!

PHOTOSHOOT: What the hell? They're going to be wearing meat clothes? First the homeless thing and now this? At least the homeless shoot kind of pimped out a cause. I expect some message to come from this shoot about something. Nope. Just bitches smearing their body grease all over perfectly good slabs of meat that could feed a family. Nice. Way to waste pieces of meat, Top Model. Is this where your budget went this season? Buying expensive steaks to slap over these tramps privates? I can feel the bile in my throat. I'm waiting for one of the girls to be a vegetarian and flip out about this, but no one steps forward. Great, you spent all that money for the drama and now there is none of it. BUT I'M SURE THERE WILL BE MORE DRAMA ABOUT WHO GETS TO PISS IN WHAT BATHROOM WHEN WE GET HOME, YES?


AIMEE: It looks like someone took a dump in her mouth and she's reacting to the taste. Oh wait, maybe someone just walked in the bathroom while she's taking a shower. The only reason she kind of looks like she fits in this picture is cause she's wearing a meat top. She looks totally out of place otherwise. Still yawns from me on this one.



AMIS(S) (ELIMINATED): Besides getting slammed for her stupid panel outfit, the judges don't really like Amis's's's'ssss picture either. I agree with them. It's profile (and not even an awesome profile a la Heather from last cycle) and she just doesn't look right at all. She's giving that meat sex eyes and it's creepy. D:



ANYA: LOL, she kind of looks like a drag queen in this picture. Hey, don't steal Dom's niche! Her pose is pretty cool, but I still think she's fugly, so I can't be distracted from that face. kdsjfkajsdkfjasdfak buh.



CLAIRE: She is really growing on me. I don't know what it is about her. I think it's the fact that they've gotten rid of that horrid haircut she had before. I like her pose and expression here. She's just kind of like, "UHM MEAT YEP." And her arms look crazy long.



DOMINIQUE: Nigel mentions that this shot is something that could be on a calendar in the meat packing district. Like Sports Illustrated: Meat Packing Edition? Nigel, those pictures are usually of beings with vaginas. Not people who pretend to have vaginas. And Tyra points out Dominique has the correct hair color now. So, dirty blonde, kind of? Okay, still ugly. Anyways, for smearing her crotch all over that meat barrel and "taking a risk with it", this picture still doesn't do shit for me. SORRY TRANNY PANTIES.



FATIMA: What the hell was with all the snarling? Not attractive, hon. Also, when Jay tells you to STOP DOING IT AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT, DO IT. This picture pretty much sucks ass. Again, if you want it so bad WHY DON'T YOU ACT LIKE IT?



KATerZIMA: Meh, her leg muscle looks cool. But I'm still not impressed. She has yet to wow me like she's wowed everyone else. Wow! She's holding her meat skirt! Maybe cause she was one of the only chicks who had a meat piece that was loose/long enough to do so with. Just because she didn't get stuck with a beef thong doesn't mean her picture is SO AMAZING OMG TOUCHING THE MEATS!!11



LAUREN: This is my favorite picture out of the bunch. The position of her left arm and the fact that she looks so casual with the meat hook in her right = WIN. I have no idea how she is so awkward but pulls out all these awesome shots. I mean, her expression alone is pretty yay. XD



MARVITA: Sadly, Marvita looks kind of lost in this picture. This was the week she could've totally used her anger and stuff, but she didn't. Or if she did, Tyra didn't pick that picture. I do like the way she's holding a freakin' hunk of meat though, like she's gonna beat anyone who comes near her with it.



STACY-ANN: The judges were right on with the whole OMG MODELING 101 thing. Cause that's what this picture kind of looks like. And she's making that same face again, so I'm not sure how long Stacy-Ann is going to last. D:



WHITNEY: This picture just kicks ass. My favorite behind Lauren's. I can even overlook the fact that her feet are doing that thing I always bitch about, cause her face is too damn awesome. XD And the fact that she's clutching her meat-pearls. CLASSIC. <3333


Now that they all smell like raw meat and area all slimy, it's time to go home! OMG OMG I CALL SHOWER~!~!`1`112

Anyways, it's almost panel time and Amis(s) is sleeping. What? Everyone is attempting to wake her up and Fatima bitches about her again. She finally gets up and complains about how it only takes her two seconds to get ready for panel. Yeah, okay, if you want to be totally unpresentable and look like shit and piss of the judges. Way to go. She's puts some dumbass headscarf and a hoodie and grabs some food on the way out. LOL, this should be good.

Tyra sings the judges and the prizes. What the hell, something was in the meat Tyra was eating in the Panel Intro Tyra Picture, methinks. Call out goes like this: Anya (really?), Whitney, Zima, Claire, Dominique, Stacy-Ann, Lauren, Marvita, Aimee. And this makes Fatima and Amis(s) the bottom two. Aw, Fatima, look who you've stuck yourself with. Maybe if you didn't button-up sweaters wrong and changed your shoes and stopped snarling and TRIED HARDER, you wouldn't be there.

But Amis(s) is out, which aw bye crazy mess! She doesn't act like a bitch during her exit, which is always a plus. But she puts that stupid headband-ripped-fabric-strip-scarf thing back on her head. Jeez.

Until next time!!11 WOO!

Comments

Posted by: zoopiglet (zoopiglet)
Posted at: March 24th, 2008 01:54 pm (UTC)

The meat clothing reminds me of Silent Hill for some reason.

Posted by: Tenna { i will holler you home } (tenel_ka)
Posted at: April 5th, 2008 06:07 am (UTC)
[ sh - to hell ]

HAHAHAHHAHAHAH OMGOMGOMGOGMGOM YESSSSSSS~ XDDD It totally does. I think PH needs to be photoshopped into the back of a couple of those pictures. XD

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