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Tenna { i will holler you home } [userpic]
ANTM - 03/26/08 - S10E06 - "House of Pain"
by Tenna { i will holler you home } (tenel_ka)
at April 12th, 2008 (08:18 pm)
cold

current mood: cold
current song: crappy cycle 7 marathon on mtv

Cabmo. Lots of "Yay Aimee" BS about her picture -- and the compliments on her skin. Wait! We're talking to Aimee! She must be in the bottom two tonight! She tells us in an interview that she's never modeled before so everything has been lots of learning for her. Lauren tells us about her confidence issue again, which, WE KNOW.

We see Claire blabbing to her husband on the phone and then her baby and we see some pictures of her husband and baby, both of whom = awww. Claire -- oh now she's telling us that she'd be cheating her daughter if she went home now and didn't follow her dreams. I'm done with this. I don't waste my time with stupid wannabe models kids. Just the stupid wannbe model whores themselves.

Night vision camera! And there's words on the screen telling us Dominique is in a bed on one side with Claire standing in the middle of the room. Claire tells her to get her tranny ass (my words, not Claire's) up cause her alarm clock has been going off. Oh man, that would piss me off so hard. The alarm clock wakes me up, but not the bitch who set it. I am so happy I've never lived in a dorm or anywhere with other bitches. Claire tells us this has been happening a lot, which means it would be time (if I was there) for Dominique to get a good alarm clock up the ass. The best part is she always sets it for way earlier than they all have to get up. Dominique shows us how much of a fucking tool she is by interviewing that she can't figure the clock out whoops. Dude, is it so fucking hard to ask for help setting it or reading a book on how to do it or something? You'd rather just fuck with it and then piss everyone off? YOU ARE DUMBER THAN I THOUGHT. And the best part is in this interview, she's acting like it's no big deal. Like Claire shouldn't be getting so pissed that she's been woken up four times at like 6AM FOR NO FUCKING REASON. I thought it wasn't possible to dislike her anymore than I already did. I WAS WRONG.

Claire and Dominique get into it and Stacy-Ann kind of groggily is like, "BUH?" from her bed. Claire says Dom is a shady bitch and Dom responds with the whole RESPECT thing. Which, shut the fuck up. She'll talk to you with respect when you STOP DISRESPECTING EVERYONE BY SETTING YOUR FUCKING ALARM FOR BUTTFUCK EARLY AND LETTING IT GO OFF TEN TIMES. Anya actually gains points from me when she snipes in with her crack-accent and tells Dominique to take responsibility for her stupid bullshit. Then Anya interviews that Dominique needs to communicate better -- which is totally awesome cause Anya is usually not understandable and if she's saying you need to communicate better then something is seriously wrong. I LOLed. <3

There is more arguing between Claire and Dominique and Aimee says something to the extent of, "I might be younger than all these bitches but I'm so much more mature" -- which whatever, you're a shittier model. HENCE YOU GETTING KICKED OFF AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE OH SPOILER! :O HOLY CRAP, MORE ARGUING IN THE KITCHEN. Dominique loses some more. Claire calls her a bitch and Dominique -- I have no idea where this fucking came from -- asks Claire if she calls her husband a bitch when they're arguing. Claire is pissed that Dominique went into PERSONAL LIFE territory and lowers to her level by saying, "At least I have a husband." Which, mean, but totally LOL. Also, Claire tells us she gave Tranny lots of chances to fix her alarm and she never did. Claire had enough, methinks.

Lauren cuts in to calmly say that she thinks Dom has a communication problem, to which Dom responds she needs to stay in her place. This sets Lauren off -- which this also sets Whitney off and the whole house is a huge bitch-storm once again. I can just see the weatherman now. "AND THIS MORNING WE WILL HAVE A HEARTY FRONT OF ATTITUDE AND NAME-CALLING. ALONG WITH SOME FLURRIES OF BITCH AND WHORE AND DUMBASSERY. WATCH OUT FOR THE CATFIGHT ON THE ROAD THIS MORNING, IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE SLICK. LET'S GO TO TYRA FOR TRAFFIC." Seriously. I can't even continue to recap the retardedry in the house right now. It's just to a point where everyone is being obnoxious and I want them all to STFU.

Oh oh, but the best is the delusional!Dominique interview where she says she thinks all the other girls are ganging up on her cause she's SO STRONG and SUCH A THREAT in the competition. LOLOLOLOL WHAT THE FUCK EVER. She cries to her mom a bit about it, and it sounds like her mom is used to this kind of shit from her. Usually I feel bad when ganged up girls cry to their moms, no matter how bitchy they are. But they're never this delusional about HOW AWESOME THEY ARE. So I find myself not feeling bad at all.

Tyra Ticky. Cabmo. OMG LOOK THEY ARRIVE AND TYRA ROLLS DOWN THE WINDOW SHE HAS BEEN THEIR DRIVER THE WHOLE TIME OMG. Haha, could you see Tyra rushing the driver out when they pull up and her climbing in and then being like, "LOL LOOK AT ME GIRLS LIKE I WAS DRIVING!!1" She tells them to go upstairs and change. What they have to change into -- they are in a dance studio, btw -- is a red skintight bodysuit kind of thing. Oh yay! It's the creepy awkward movement episode! I love these! Too bad there's no Bianca around to bitch about everyone but herself!

Banks herself enters to squeals, even though they like just saw her downstairs and gave her their obligatory OMG OMGOGMOGMOGM!!1 She tells them there have been lots of complaints on their walks and how they don't pose at the end of the runway for the obligatory three seconds for the cameras. They practice together back and forth across the floor and look like a pack of creepy bitches. It's like Tyra is leading an army of fuggos somewhere to fight Janice Dickinson and a batch of her models -- many of whom are actually hot. Too bad they will be cut off at the pass by Niki Taylor and Tyson Beckford, leading their hot hot models (plus Ben and Shannon). Wait for it. *pause* I think Niki and Tyson win.

Anyways, as they are catwalking back and forth, Tyra fakes an ankle sprain or something, which all the girls freak about. Oh you guys, you must've watched the show before. She always does this. TAKE IT AS A LESSON. You definitely know Tyra is faking you when her hands go to her head instead of her ankle which she supposedly hurt. And this moves us into a lesson about posing! If you're stuck on ideas for poses, just pretend you're in pain! Awesome! There's headache (hands on head), heartache (hands on chest) -- and wait for it, menstrual cramps! All the girls clutch their midsections like they're having the worst cramps in the world and it just makes me think of the Girl Sympathy skit on The Whitest Kids U' Know. There's more posting after this -- Tyra gives each girl a pose one by one and they have to get it right or SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN. Tyra passes out such prize poses as shoulder blade pain, weave pain, neck pain from a movie strangulation(?) and palm pain! Lauren gets that one. The most awkward girl gets the dumbest pose -- awesome.

Tyra Ticky once the bitches get home. And this ticky tells them that OMG THAT WAS A SUPAR SEKRITT CHALLENGE!...: Sorry, I've grown so used to putting a : after the word CHALLENGE that I just had to do it. So Tyra was silently judging them on their pain posing and according to Tyra, Anya did the best. Woo or something! She gets to have a one-on-one photoshoot with Nigel Barker. Oh yays abounds! This puts her in some weird creepy abandoned building where secret porn gets shot, no doubt, and Nigel says they will be taking some timeless photos. Timeless as in Anya will be in a simple bed with white sheets and naked (or "nekkid", if Marvita was still here). Nigel says everything will be hidden and it will be all tasteful and whatever but I sure did see a lot of blurring going on. O_o Nigel claims she is a good model but he sees doubt in her eyes. Dude, when did he ever look at her eyes that whole time?

When Anya gets homes everyone asks how it all went and Aimee hears about the shoot and then yaps about being happy she didn't win it. There's no way this ho really wants to become a model, seriously.

MORE DRAMA ALERT! Dominique is in bed not feeling well and basically Whitney and Lauren and Claire are in the same room sitting on a couch and talking. First it's about random stuff and then they start talking about Dominique while she's laying right there. This is uber-bitchy of them, and makes them lose points for me, but somehow I still don't feel bad for Dominique. I don't like her. Hell, I don't really like any of these skank-ass whores. BRING MARVITA BACK.

I'm not even gonna finish recapping this dumb Dom/Claire/Lauren/Whit shit, I'm sick of it. Eff all three of them for being stupid and let's get over it. *fast-foward... omg still dramaing... fast-forward*

OH FINALLY COMMERCIALS. AND LOOK IT SALEISHA. She's going on some casting or something. And does something with mascara. She probably puts it on her eyelashes but I used my 30-second-skip button and went by it. Along with all the other commercials. WHOOPS.

Tyra Ticky. Time to go to Brooklyn!

PHOTOSHOOT!: Today the girls will be portraying different types of music. Ahahaha, this should be fun. I love when they assign crap to each girl in a photoshoot.



AIMEE (ELIMINATED) -- r&b: I CAN STOP YAWNING NOW CAUSE HERE IS HER LAST SHOT. :O She was always pretty, yes, but she just never seemed like a model. And she looked like she had no idea at all what to do in this shoot. This picture looks particularly like she just smelled a fart or something. Or actually, like she just dealt was and is trying to hide it.



ANYA -- punk: I don't like this picture at all. I feel like she has no idea what punk music is and her pose and her styling (not her fault, but the pose is) makes her look like some Cirque du Soliel reject. Guh.



CLAIRE -- country: I love how she talked about it always being easy for her to get into character and then she promptly FAILYOURIZES on this photoshoot. Yes, because a country singer always does today's hottest couture poses. This was probably like the least high fashion of her poses and looks kind of crappy at that. SORRY CLAIRE.



DOMINIQUE -- folk: Ugh, I don't like this shit. Her expression is okay, but not for FOLK MUSIC. Also the way her head looks like it was put on her body wrong. I'm just ready for her to go away. Like ASAP.



FATIMA -- heavy metal: I don't know. To me this shot just looks so hokey. Like Fatima is making fun of heavy metal or something. Real heavy metal-ers would bite her head up and spit it out, dude.



KATARZYNA -- emo: I totally like her hair better in an emo cut too, Tyra. LOLOL, Paulina + Miss Jay = "white music?" Good picture except not enough whining and horrible myspace-picture angles.



LAUREN -- pop: LOL on the "I've never even heard a Britney Spears song in my life" -- YEAH RIGHT. I find that seriously hard to believe unless you've been living under a rock all your life. The picture is okay, nothing special. Again, Shirley Manson (who is special <3) -- I think Lauren should've gotten rock and they should've just made her up like Shirley.



STACY-ANN -- house: Look! Stacy-Ann is making the same face again! She seems like such a sweet girl but she looks the same in every picture.



WHITNEY -- grunge: Awesome. <3 She's like a hot version of Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain. A lot less skanky too. I like her pose and the total expression of WAI WAI GRUNGE SMELLS LIKE TEEN ARMPITS on her face.

The judges deliberate and the call out order goes: Whitney, Zima, Fatima, Lauren, Anya, Dominique and Stacy-Ann! This leaves us with Claire and Aimee in the bottom two. And Aimee goes home. Aw damn, now we won't get to see her break down when the inevitable nude photoshoot comes up! D: Claire annoys the everloving shit out of me by jumping up and down and going, "YES!" when her name is called and Tyra gives her her picture -- and then she almost walks over to the other hos before remembering to walk back and give Aimee a hug. Seriously, wtf. At least have some manners. I can't wait till you leave (in the next episode OH SNAP SPOILER!)~

Comments

Posted by: Ames (tinndi)
Posted at: April 20th, 2008 02:50 am (UTC)
11 inches?!

Ugh I just want Marvita back. No one else is so routinely hysterical without all the stupid drama.

HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT EPISODES, gawd.

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