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ANTM - 03/19/08 - S10E05 - "Top Model Takes It To the Streets"
by Tenna { i will holler you home } (tenel_ka)
at April 5th, 2008 (02:04 am)

current mood: chipper
current song: "don't you (forget about me)" - simple minds

Oh, Whitest Kids U' Know. <3

ANYWAYS. When our show opens up, Fatima is being emo about her stint in the bottom two and Dominique is talking about how awesome she is. Same old bullshit, different old day. Whitney calls Dominique mind-boggling in an interview -- I would have to agree with you Whitney. Now the focus is on Marvita who is kind of down about this whole experience and here folks, is your first bottom two-er of the night! She tells some of the other girls about how she isn't a kissy and cuddly kind of girl and can't stay with anybody because of it. Claire interviews that there is a model hiding inside of Marvita somewhere. I think said model is afraid to come out cause it is afraid Marvita will punch her in the gut.

Whitney and Stacy-Ann are in the kitchen and Whitney asks SA if she wants some bread and SA tells her no cause she doesn't want to get fat like Whitney. I think it's a joke cause they both seem kind of LOL about it, but I'm not sure cause it all happens in an awkward sort of fashion. Whtiney tells her she doesn't believe in the F WORD, which in this case the F WORD is FAT, and not what everyone's mind instantly goes to -- or I mean, what mine always goes to. Whitney also is like, YOU MEAN PHAT, RIGHT? Then she says she loves her curves and she loves not looking like a little boy which, you go, Whitney. Cause I'm sick of all these gangly-dangly bitches thinking that they're ribs poking out is OMG SO HAWT.

Crappy Tyra Ticker. Slow reading bitches sounding excited. Same old tree mail shit. "Model model model for me, the best poses make you look like you have to pee." That would be the mail if the Survivor Tree Mail people wrote these. But Tyra's are just usually like, "LOL THIS ONE WORD GIVES YOU A HINT." And usually the chicks are too dumb to relate it to anything relevant at all. This one is something about the three C's. Which, I'll give them a pass on this one, cause I have no idea what the shit that it either.

But when we get to a creepy, abandoned warehouse place and learn the three C's are "commercial, couture and catalog" -- this is where I take back my free pass cause they're model wannabes and they should've known stupid shit like this. And look! The person telling us the three C's is Benny Ninja! OMG, Benny Ninja, how I have missed thee. Your kilts and your crazy glasses and how good it is to see you. The girls are excited to see him and Dominique continues her dumbass streak by telling us she's so excited cause "how many people can say they met the inventor of the vogue"...

Well bitch, seeing as how voguing (not "the vogue") was pretty much started in the Harlem ballrooms in the 1930's, I don't think you've met the inventor of "the vogue" -- unless you're that old and have just gotten lots of botox and shit.

Anyways, Benny introduces us to international supermodel, Vendela, who doesn't look like the normal definition of supermodel, which I am cool with. She calls out the three C's to Benny while he demonstrates each of them to the skanks. They all practice a little bit. Benny tells Whitney she looks like Anna Nicole, which she is sick of since she has heard it a lot since her makeover. More posing. These chicks kind of suck. Dominique thinks she's awesome, shocker. Bitches go home.

Claire talks to her husband and baby, Fatima practices her posing, Whitney shares with us that they made a phone list so they would all get the same amount of time and so on. You have a time to use the phone and a certain amount of time to be on it -- which is a totally fair and proper way to deal with a bunch of bitches in the house who all need to use the phone, yes? Well, Dominique gets uber-pissed cause no one told her it was her turn. Then she brings up how she had a child so she needs the phone to talk to it. Okay.

Whore, if you wanted to use the phone to talk to your spawn so bad, you should've been paying attention yourself on who was in there and when it was your turn. It's not the other chick's job to look after you and come to you when it's your turn to use the phone. They are not your mothers.

So yeah, she goes and pitches a royal bitch to the other girls in the house. She knew there was a list, she just didn't bother following it and watching on when she was supposed to go in. Like she expected the others to tell her, "OKAY HONEY, YOU CAN GO USE THE PHONE NOW!11" Claire gets in the fight and tells Dom to stop yelling at Whitney because it's not Whitney's job to tell people when it's their turn to use the phone. Dominique then continues her bullshit by saying, "WELL THEN WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY IS IT?" OMG YOU DUMB BITCH, IT'S YOURS.

There's more arguing between Whitney and Dom and it's pretty much not about the phone anymore. They're just bitching in general. Disrespectful, white trash, dumb bitch, yadda yadda. Then suddenly Dom decides to call Whit racist and Whitney goes batshit. She is amazed at the fact that Dom had the nerve to say that. Darlin', this is the same dumb bitch who can't take responsibility for her phone time and talks in third person about how amazing she is. She's like Jade from cycle 6 except super-crappy. Whitney tells her that her best friend is black, which is like the oldest racist backlash ever. But my two best friends are black and half-black. SO MY BEST FRIENDS ARE ONE AND A HALF BLACK, SO THERE. I have no idea what the point of that was, but I just like saying it.

Commercial. And once we come back Dominique is all interviewed, "she can be racist toward a red-headed Catholic girl, or a blonde, blue-eyed Jewish girl" -- what the hell? Go away. Whitney's not racist you turd, she just thinks you're STUPID and A DONKASS BITCH. It has NOTHING TO DO WITH RACE. As this argument ends and Dominique stomps out of the room with a dumb comment about how Whitney looks 30 but she acts 12 and Whitney basically lets her storm off and then ask where the saran wrap is, in a flustered sort of fashion. At first, I was like, "She must have some food she needs to cover up."

But then I thought, "Oh shit, Whitney knows where Dominique sleeps at night and they might find her dead in her bed the next morning with her face wrapped up in plastic -- LOOK OUT."

Tyra Ticky. The bitches hop in the cabmo the next morning and head to 5 Pointz, which Lauren is excited about cause she lives in Brooklyn! Yay, except 5 pointz is most definitely in Queens. So way to show your city pride, Lauren!

Vendela is there and tells them to watch awesome posers in action. Benny and his buddies come out (who are mostly transexuals and drag queens and look all around, like pretty fun people to hang with) and they start going crazy with their posing. Dom is so excited cause they're draggish and beautiful and she fits in with them. Yes, because you're draggish too -- not the other part.

CHALLENGE!: Benny tells them they will be having a team posing battle -- continuous posing and then he will yell out one of the three C's and they will have to finish on a pose of that style. Benny's Buddies will choose the winner for each side and that team will get a point for that round. Team A is made up of Lauren, Dominique, Anya, Aimee and Fatima, while Team B is Stacy-Ann, Marvita, Claire, Zima and Whitney. The winning team gets a trip to a random swag tent that's set up, and the girl who poses the best from the winning team will get a super-special prize in addition to swag from the tent! OH YAY! IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS! *seal clap*

Dom vs. Claire -- Claire does a bendy back thing, Dom is squiggling around and they each tie and get a point for their crazy actions. There's a quick interview between shots of the battle where Marvita is praising Dominique for her posing and I was like, "ewwww awww" but then she added that it's cause Dominique is kind of like a drag queen. So my EWWWAWWW turned into big LOLs. XD Lauren vs. Marvita -- Lauren goes all slithery on the ground and Marvita is just kind of moving around all funny. Lauren wins the round. Anya vs. Stacy-Ann -- Anya is skeeving me out with her posing and Stacy-Ann is going crazy, and the girls tie. Fatima vs. Whitney -- oh my god, you guys, I would've smacked the hell out of Fatima if I was Whitney. Fatima does a bitchy little interview about how Whitney is like the "obnoxious cheerleader in high school who sleeps with all the football players"... right. Whatever, forest-pits (we'll get to that later). Anyways, Whitney is telling us about the fact that as Fatima was posing, she kept getting closer and closer to Whitney until they were both posing on the ground and I swear it looked like Fatima was grinding her crotch in Whitney's face. Whitney shows the bitch up with the splits and wins the round for her team. Zima vs. Aimee -- Zima does all these crazy floor poses and Aimee is just a big yawn, like always. Zima wins the round. Which means Team B won!

Marvita is so excited, but feels bad cause she basically lost points for the team and is freeloading. Whatever girl, free stuff! Juiced! Vendela and Benny Ninja say Claire was the best poser all around and gets the awesome price, plus swag tent stuff. The girls go in and get free handbags and shirts and sunglasses and these pastel lookin' guitars(?). Claire also gets a trip to Bora Bora, damn! Whitney is all, "wtf i'm a plus-sized girl doing splits i want to go to bora bora D:"~

Look! Back at the house Fatima is practicing! She she wants it SO BAD! Which, if she wanted it so bad maybe she would try harder SHAVE HER FUCKING ARMPITS. But we'll GET TO THAT LATER. Anyways, Marvita is chugging some booze, as are a couple of the others. Fatima is of course bitching about her in an interview, because Fatima not bitching is like you and I not breathing. It is clockwork to her.

Saleisha! My Life as a Cover Girl! Hoy hoy! Weren't we already at the factory? Is that all Saleisha is doing is hanging out at the factory? At least I can understand her commercials better than Jaslene's. Jaslene, I love you girl, but USE YOUR WORDS. D: Danielle got the help SO CAN YOU.

Tyra Shitter Ticky Tape. Something about how L.A. is about cars and New York City is about coats. Or something. Claire thinks they might do a coat drive. LOL, like Top Model ever does anything to actually help. They just kind of make you aware of problems sometimes (like making you aware of the homeless, but then doing a photoshoot with them and going, "OKAY LOL THANKS BYE~!!1") -- unlike Bravo's Make Me A Supermodel where Holly, Shannon, Ben, Ronnie and Perry actually went out and helped rebuild a part of a new house for a woman who lost hers in Katrina when they were in New Orleans for work. LEARN FROM BRAVO.

Marvita looks at the Tyra Mail this way: "We thought, maybe we gonna be nekkid. Maybe we gonna be nekkid in coats."


PHOTOSHOOT!: The bitches will be decorated in colored plastic shapes and have colored paint dumped on them. It will also be a tight shot, showing pretty much only their shoulders up. Anya claps when Mr. Jay announces the paint spills and splatters. I'm not sure why. Did she enjoy fingerpainting that much in kindergarten or something? She talks like a kindergartner, so her fingerpainting memories might be more fresh than expected.

Marvita is acting sort of bleh while everyone is getting ready and Mr. Jay is kind of like, "WTF KID?" She mumbles a defeated sort of response and he tells her to go practice. She does this and of course, Fatima starts bitching about her to us in a voiceover -- "Oh how sad marvita doesn't know how to look pretty like me wai wai" -- Would you fucking step off it for once and pay attention to yourself? Shit.

AIMEE: OMG HER SKIN SO PERFECT OMG OMG whatever. Okay picture. Still yawnin'. Besides yawning though I am sort of LOLing about the booger paint on her nose. Bitch needs a tissue. And her eyes look funny too. Like her left eye looks like it's about to shoot lasers and shit.

ANYA: Blech. The shape she's making is pretty cool, but I can't look at her without hearing her annoying voice in my head. She did get the coolest combination of paint/makeup colors though. So yay for her.

CLAIRE: Yeah yeah, something something. This shoot makes them all look the same. LOOK AT HER NICE SHAVED PITS THOUGH, SOME GIRLS SHOULD TAKE NOTE FATIMA. I like the way her lips and her eyes look, although it sort of looks like she has no neck. D:

DOMINIQUE: I don't see the awesomeness that people are pimping in this shot. She still kind of looks like an annoying man. Oh wait, she still is an annoying man. D: She looks like she's trying to hold her brains in her ear or something -- and she has that lost dunce expression on. Hate it.

FATIMA: Fucking gross. I know some people choose not to shave their pits, or sometimes they're hairy or whatever -- which is cool, cause it's not like mine are always perfect. But if you're a fucking model who is going to be showing off said pits in a PHOTOGRAPH... it's not that hard to shave. I can't even look at the rest of this picture without looking at the fucking pit-forest. I don't care how good or bad the rest of it is. PASS.

KATARZYNA: Look! I bothered to spell her name right for once! It'll probably be the only time cause she still kind of bores me. Sorry, I know everyone loves her but she does nothing for me. Which means she'll win or something. I do like her pose kind of thing, but still kind of yawning when I see this picture. Plus, her eyes look crooked.

LAUREN: I guess this shot is pretty cool. Still looking like Shirley Manson without the makeup. I like the shapes her jaw and cheekbones make here. She looks like she's gonna punch someone though. THAT IS MARVITA'S JOB. :O

MARVITA (ELIMINATED): She does look pretty lost in this picture, sadly. We know she can rock pictures cause she rocked a couple of her others. I guess she was just really over this cause usually she's not this out there.

STACY-ANN: I think this is a good picture but the judges peeing their pants over it was too much. This is how Stacy-Ann looks in EVERY PICTURE. Except there's some paint splattered on her face in this one.

WHITNEY: These pictures are really boring to critique and crap. I like making fun of the ugly "HIGH FASHION" poses these bitches put themselves into and since these are tight shots it's like WHATEVERRRRR. They are still a big ol' batch of fuggos so these tight shots are KILLING ME. Whitney's is pretty good, I guess. She never closes her mouth in pictures though, I don't get that. It's looks wangsty and model-y though, so go for it. Hot, hot Whitney. <3

Nothing really special happens at panel time. Except that Lauren is wearing Converse high top sneakers cause she can't find her heels. Tyra asks her if maybe someone took her shoes, like one of the queens at their challenge. It's an LOL moment, but I wouldn't be surprised. Hehe. Lauren says she wears a size 10, so I really wouldn't be surprised. There is some confusing banter between judges later where Tyra says she stole Lauren's shoes and then she tells Lauren this when she gives her her picture. I don't know. I think we missed something in the MISSING SHOE story here. Anyways, the call out order is this: Stacy-Ann, Dominique (ew, really?), Claire, Anya, Lauren, Aimee, Zima and Fatima. This leaves Whitney and Marvita in the bottom two.

In the end it's Whitney who gets her picture and Marvita who gets a trip home. Marvita hugs all the girls and tells them all they're top models and that's cute. I like Marvita even though she always looked like she wanted to shank a ho. I really hope Marvita gets work and stuff, cause she's pretty cool. I like her. And I definitely like her a lot better then almost all of the skanks still left on this monthly crampy cycle of top model.


(Deleted comment)
Posted by: Tenna { i will holler you home } (tenel_ka)
Posted at: April 5th, 2008 11:27 pm (UTC)
[ boys - leto ]


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