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ANTM - 04/02&09/08 - S10E07&08 - "IYCMIH,YCMIA" & "TM Confidential"
by Tenna { i will holler you home } (tenel_ka)
at April 19th, 2008 (10:36 pm)

current mood: busy
current song: "violent god" - the william blakes

Sorry about the abbreviation of the episode name, but it was a lame name and didn't deserve the space it would've taken up in the subject bar. Also, this is two episodes in one recap since I only gave the recap episode one whole paragraph. Those are too lame to get their own recap. :|

Cabmo, LIKE ALWAYS. Whitney is being happy about the call out and how she was first and she tells us that America is ready for a plus sized model to win. I think I am. I'm sick of these bony ass chicken leg bitches all up in here. Oh oh and get this. Dominique is telling us that she doesn't see Whitney winning ANTM, yes, because ONLY DOMINIQUE CAN WIN ANTM, DUH. Have I mentioned that man-bitch has been on my last nerve for like three straight weeks. I HAVE? WELL LET ME SAY IT AGAIN. GO HOME, DOMINIQUE.

There is a nice goodbye note from Aimee when the girls get back to the house and I realize how much she would've collapsed and lost her will to live in the modeling world -- if she had won -- as I listen to them read it out loud. Claire starts whining about being in the bottom two, which instantly makes me think that she will be in the bottom two again. Which, awesome. Lauren is interviewing and telling us that happy, jumped-up bullshit Claire pulled when her name was called out over Aimee's was rude and disrespectful. AMEN. Stacy-Ann tells us that Claire sometimes tries too hard and it over the top. I AMEN on that one too. What I don't AMEN on is Claire telling us that the longer she stays in the competition, the less guilty she'll feel for abandoning her baby. WOW. That is just so lame. I would LOL on her if she got to like Final Four and then lost. AW SORRY DID YOUR BABY START SPEAKING/WALKING/DATING WHILE YOU WEREN'T HOME?!?! But it's okay. She gets to see her baby at the end of this episode cause she (SPOILER) GOES HOME OH NOOOOOO!


Anyways, Tyra Ticky. Something lame. Read aloud. Moving on.

Dominique instantly thinks the mail is about them doing something on Broadway, which yes, because Dominique is good at wearing lots of caked on makeup so you can see her manny features even from the nosebleeds. Oh and this is part where we endure more annoying drama, this time between Fatima and Lauren. Some bullshit about Fatima making coffee and Lauren pouring it out and making her own or something. Fatima is blabbing cause it's gone and Lauren's like whatever there was nothing left and there's lots of sniping and whoring and being fucking obnoxious back and forth. Lauren pours Fatima some of the coffee she made so the bitch will stop whining and then tells her to CHOKE ON IT. Wow, they are both bitches. This is annoying. Let's move on.

Oh wait, did you think I would really forgot to mention that these turds are drinking coffee out of wine glasses? Cause they are.

CHALLENGE!: The bitches head on over to Elite Model Management and find out they're getting split into two teams to go do go-sees. Oh yay! Wait, aren't go-sees usually after they get to their international destination? These bitches get to tromp around New York and not look like lost, annoying tourists? That's one of my favorite parts of the show! Man, this cycle is straight-up ass. They better have to do foreign go-sees or I will smack a ho. Preferably Dominique. Oh wait, I'm hoping she won't make it to the international destination, so not her.

So each team gets a navigational phone that I'm not even gonna bother with the brand name or whatever cause I'm not getting paid and they have to walk to their go-sees. Team One is Claire, Stacy-Ann, Whitney and Dominique. Dominique annoys the sweet fuck out of me while the group is walking down the street cause she's totally drag/model walking. Fuck OFF, you are NOT on a runway right now, STOP. Team Two consists of Anya, Lauren, Fatima and Katarzyna. These bitches don't know how to read a damn map.

Basically, the groups go to three different go-sees/casting and put on some shit to show off to the designers. Pamela Rolland is a bitch who says she wouldn't use Whitney is a runway show cause she only likes twigs and bones on her catwalk. HEY, Pamela Rolland designer, your clothes are ugly. How does it feel to have your goods bashed? "OH WELL WE USUALLY USE SIZE TWO ON THE RUNWAY~ CAUSE WE WANT THE LEAST AMOUNT OF GIRL POSSIBLE SO PEOPLE WILL SEE OUR CRAP CLOTHING." Dominique is a total twunt (which, yes, I combined two words there, sorry) the whole time (I'm not even gonna get into why cause it'll just make me angry), everyone loves Stacy-Ann, Lauren is awkward. It's the same shit we always see. The last designer they see is like 12 and talks like she's 10 and this is kind of a boring challenge.

Ugh, Ann Shoket. Saw Puppet Junior. Team one wins and Stacy-Ann booked the most jobs out of everyone. Oh snap! Stacy-Ann did something instead of fading into the background! The winners get to do some summer beauty spread in Seventeen and Claire whines about not getting the most jobs booked. Then stop being such an annoying, talkative cow. No one cares about your child except you, Renee.

Tyra Shitter. Some rambly cutesy shit.

Hos head to a building and find Mr. Jay on this gigatic treadmill thing and he's attached to a cable. Anya tells us he looked like a silver robot, which I LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLed at. Hahahaha~ People get up onto the treadmill and walk towards him and he pushes his way through them and there's techno playing and the shit's getting faster and finally Jay is running and he jumps like SUPER FUCKING ACTION HERE SILVER ROBOT JAY through a wall of boxes causing paper to fly everywhere. It actually looks pretty cool, but of course, I'm instantly thinking, "IS THIS THEIR PHOTOSHOOT? LOL THERE'S NO WAY THESE BITCHES CAN DO THIS SHIT." Jay meets up with the hos on the floor and tells them that that was a preview of the performance art show Fuerza Bruta -- it kind of looks like a cheaper Cirque du Soliel on more crack, and I'm always down for that shit. Only if they do cool stunts and crap like CdS though. If they're just writhing around looking emo then screw it. It reminds me of the upcoming Grand Theft Auto IV, where one of the shows in their "New York" -- Liberty City -- is called Banging on Trash Can Lids for an Hour! Sweet.

(That, in turn, reminds me of the cartoon Doug -- where there was that song by The Beets that was like, "BANGING ON A TRASH CAN! DRUMMING ON A STREET LIGHT~!" Does anyone remember that shit besides me? Hehehehe.)

PHOTOSHOOT: Bitches will be laying stomach down on a big-ass piece of plastic tarp or whatever this thing is and will sqwiggle around in a couple inches of water. No makeup or hair done, just a flowy dress and "movement" and they're being shot from under the tarp. I find all these pictures pretty boring cause they all look the same to me. Bitches in dresses in some water. Whatever.

ANYA: This picture creeps me out. She really looks like one of those stereotypical aliens. Except with hair.

CLAIRE (ELIMINATED): HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I watched Claire's faceplant into the plastic like 9485298938 times. It was beautiful. And it was total karma for her sudden turn to asshole-ville. Her picture bores me and her face isn't even there.

DOMINIQUE: Judges, you love? Really? Blech. I can't tell if she's getting stabbed in the back or a handjob from the back from a hooker. Or both at the same time. Also, what is with that ugly outfit at panel? And I cackled like mad when Nigel said her panel-hair looked like SOMETHING ABOUT MARY. LOL, she ran out of hair gel so she just used her own man parts to get some, YES?

FATIMA: Bitch needs to eat something. I can't look at her hand without thinking of a skeleton. I'm pretty much over her. They tell her to pose after she tells them she practiced so much for the shoot and she basically does I'm a little fucking teapot. If that's isn't high fashion couture then I don't know what is.

KATARZYNA: Who? Wait, she's still on? They never show her so I always forget. They cut her hair, and it looks better. And her picture is yay, I guess, or something. The judges also continue to butcher her name at panel, even calling her Neutrogena at points. Oh judges, you dudes are so mature just like your wannabe models! How endearing! I come up with tacky names for her and others all the time, sure! But I'm not getting paid to mentor and judge these skanks, so LET'S GET WITH IT AND LEARN HER NAME PANEL, PLZ?

LAUREN: Wow. She is seriously lost. She doesn't even really looking like a person. She looks sort of like a blob. An awkward, drowning blob.

STACY-ANN: Yay, Stacy-Ann I love your personality. But your pictures still bore me. :( Although, this one is pretty cool.

WHITNEY: I think hers is the best one just cause it's so different. It does look like a colorful sonogram of doom, like the judges said -- except without the doom part. Everyone elses seriously looked like bugs I've seen splattered on my windshield. What I was wondering though was why they didn't pick any of the shots of her smiling. Some of the footage they showed of her shoot showed her smiling all wide and pretty in the water.

At panel, Tyra tells her gaggle of skank-a-lanks that there was a completely different shoot planned for this week. But Tyra had attended a performance of Feuraza Brete du Soliel and was seriously inspired. Therefore they did the water shoot. The panel goes over the photos with each ho and then they debate on a ho to kick out. Well, we already know Claire will be in the bottom two since we were talking to her at the beginning of the episode about it (and since I spoiled it like six times in this recap and the last). BUT WHO ELSE? DUN DUN DUN?!?11/

Call out! Fatima (really, what?), Anya, Zima, Whitney, Stacy-Ann and then Dominique. Claire and Lauren are in the bottom two and sure they have been sort of toolish for the past couple weeks, but Dominique has been toolish SINCE DAY ONE. CAN WE PLEASE GET RID OF HER? Lauren gets her photo back and Claire goes home to her baby. Awww, that means she left the house for nothing and will feel guilty the rest of her life for leaving her baby. Wai wai. And by that I mean, BAI BAI BISCUIT.

TOP MODEL CONFIDENTIAL - 04/09/08: The episode last week was the stupid recap one which is always crap. Here, let me share with you what happened. The bitches had a mock-wrestling thing. Marvita plays her guitar a lot and sings such hits as, "She Ain't Got No T-shirts"~ Kimberly still sucks. Allison poured steak sauce on Jello and that's like all she ate according to Marvita and I suddenly hate Allison even more, if that's possible. Amis is crazy. Claire shares with us awesome info about her breast milk and tells us she drinks it and she should sell some on Ebay -- wow, really? I'm so proud of you for being Cover Girl of the Week for so long. Dominique is annoying. As I watch this recap episode I realize how much I hate this cycle of bitches. LET'S GET ON WITH THIS WEEK'S EPISODE SO I CAN MAKE MORE FUN OF THEM ALL! WOO~!


(Deleted comment)
Posted by: Tenna { i will holler you home } (tenel_ka)
Posted at: April 20th, 2008 06:44 am (UTC)
[ dizz - aladdin ]

OMG SEE? I am so happy there's someone out there who remembers it cause then I would've continued to think it was the Beets. XD Wasn't it like... he was supposed to go to their concert or something but couldn't so he made up a song or some crap?

I always liked Skeeter better than Doug. And Porkchop. XD

Posted by: zoopiglet (zoopiglet)
Posted at: April 21st, 2008 02:50 pm (UTC)

Marvita cracked my ass up in the recrap episode. Made me actually sad that she was gone.

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